I'm Stephanie Sammons, a CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™ and the Founder of Sammons Wealth Management. I help successful women professionals who are in midlife plan for their ideal retirement. Learn more about planning, saving, and investing for your ideal retirement at Sammons Wealth Management.

We all make assumptions. It is human nature. When we don’t have all of the information regarding someone’s thoughts or intentions, we tend to “make up” what a person might be thinking or intending.

Making assumptions can get us into trouble. In this episode I talk about a personal story where I made a false assumption about someone and it only ended up hurting me.

In today’s digital age, texting/email/social media only exacerbate miscommunication. It’s difficult, if not impossible, to interpret someone’s tone in this form of communication.

When there are communication gaps between you and someone else, don’t be afraid to ask clarifying questions.

In the case where you are not able to do so or to get the answers you need, try to give the benefit of the doubt rather than assuming the worst.

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(00:02): Welcome to the LGBTQ midlife money podcast. I'm Stephanie Sammons and experienced certified financial planner and my goal is to help you take charge of your money and live your best mid life. Welcome to episode 30 of the LGBTQ live buy for money podcast. This is another midlife mindset moment episode. Do you make assumptions

(00:33): about what other people are thinking or what their intentions might be?

(00:41): Okay,

(00:41): we can make assumptions about our partners or spouses, our friends, our colleagues, and even acquaintances. And I caught myself recently making an assumption that has really had me kind of stressed out for probably about a year and I didn't realize that I was making these assumptions until a friend enlightened me. I had lunch with a friend and when she told me the truth and I told her what I had been thinking

(01:23): [inaudible]

(01:25): she really made me understand that I had it all wrong and it wasn't about her, it was about a mutual acquaintance that we have, but I just couldn't believe that I put myself through such agony for about a year of my life over a false assumption. And that assumption was about what someone else was thinking or what their intentions were. I also realized in that process that I hadn't trusted my own gut or intuition about the situation. So I was reading this person's behavior toward me incorrectly. How many times do we do that in our lives? It happens a lot and it occurs because of gaps in our communication with others. We make up what we think someone is thinking of what we believe their intention might be when we don't have all the information. So there are these gaps in our communication and we naturally like to fill those in ourselves and sometimes that can get us into trouble.

(02:43): Other times we do give people the benefit of the doubt, but there are some times when we end up thinking the worst and we put ourselves through all this pain and agony for no reason at and in the age of email and texting, it's even worse because it's literally impossible to interpret someone's tone, to really hear their message in an email or in a text. And so that makes it even more difficult to interpret someone's intentions or what they mean, what they're thinking when they are communicating with us. And so this incident had me thinking and it reminded me of a really important lesson and the lesson comes from a book called the four agreements, which was written by Don Miguel Ruiz says, and if you've never read this book, I highly recommend it. It is really life changing and he goes through four very powerful agreements to make with yourself that can save you a lot of angst and turmoil and stress in your life.

(04:05): The problem with me is that it's been a long time since I read this book, so I had forgotten some of the tenants of these four agreements. Well his second agreement is to not take anything personally, never take anything personally. And if you start living your life like that and remembering that, which is key for me to do, to, to keep reminding myself, you really understand that the way people behave and act towards you is typically based on their world. What's going on in their head, what's going on in their life. And not about you at all. In the book, the four agreements, the author says nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind. They are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world and we try to impose our world on their world. So there you have it. I learned an important lesson this past week to stop making assumptions about people and to try and

(05:38): what the real truth is, and to not take other people's behaviors. Personally. I hope this midlife mindset moment helps you with your week and with your life as well. Thanks for listening. You've been listening to the LGBTQ midlife money podcast. To learn more and to sign up for email list, visit LGBTQ, mid life money.com this show is for informational and educational purposes only. Please do not consider any of the content as personalized financial and investment tax

(06:26): [inaudible].

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